


hearts should grow fonder, not heavier

by ruttitutti234



Category: One Tree Hill
Genre: F/M, Handwriting, Letters, Missing Scene, Naley, Season 3, Summer, haley james - Freeform, high flyers times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:55:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28577844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruttitutti234/pseuds/ruttitutti234
Summary: when nathan is at high flyers and haley is at home (im assuming she stays w/her parents? they never explicitly say so i think she just stayed with her parents and traveled for the summer) and how they both can't breathe while they're apart.
Relationships: Haley James Scott/Nathan Scott
Comments: 4
Kudos: 3





	hearts should grow fonder, not heavier

**Author's Note:**

  * For [secretsarenotforfree](https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretsarenotforfree/gifts).



> anyways, lemme know what you guys think! also suggestions for what i should write next (if im even good enough for suggestions idk posting always scares me just a little LOL) or whatever. love u all :)
> 
> gifting this to @secretsarenotforfree bc its inspired by one of their oth posts and they write beautifully and i just luv them

Whether or not Nathan wants to admit it, every single time a letter gets delivered and he sees Haley's loopy handwriting, he forgets how to inhale for a second.

And every single time he opens the letter and he smells the way she smells, his knees wobble.

And every single time he sees how she writes his name, somehow quick though calculated, sweet and soft, he feels nothing but an ache in his chest.

He keeps forgetting how to inhale, how to take a breath, and he needs to be able to breathe. He has to breathe because he's playing this summer and this, basketball, maybe it'll heal him.

Maybe he'll feel whole again, after feeling jagged and broken for the last couple of months.

Nathan suspects it should be easier when she isn't simply right in front of him all the time, when he can't see that she left and that she's doubting a promise they made. It's not, though.

It wasn't easier when she was gone and barely called, god knows, but it isn't easier now, when he's living through an opportunity few get and getting better than ever before. He wants to be healed, but how can he heal when he can't remember what life was like before her eyes and her smile and the godforsaken way she smells? How can he heal when, even now, after she left him again and again, all he wants to do is wake up one morning and have her looking at him with the biggest brown eyes he's ever seen, just so he could get lost in the way they used to be?

As he rips open the third letter since he left, locked in the bathroom, he opts to sit on the floor, because every time he opens the letters, he feels just a little more unstable. When he reads the _Dear Nathan_ that marks every letter, and skims down to where she signs her name ( _Always and Forever, Haley James Scott_ ) he wants to rip out his lungs and scream at them, or maybe his throat to make his breath stop hitching, because it's happened three times now, and every time he has the same reaction. He almost wants to stop feeling for a minute, just so he can forget the all-consuming-ness that she oozes. He almost wants her to stop writing, so that he can maybe try his hand at moving on, but he knows that he'll will never move on from Haley James Scott.

Because no girl will ever be Haley James, other than Haley James.

\-----

Every single time Haley writes another letter, she feels a little more hopeful.

But every single time she gets no response, she feels the ache deepen in her chest just a little more.

Every single time she writes his name, she remembers his half dimple, and the way his hands wrap around her, and how soft the skin on his chest is, and how sleeping on his shoulder is more comfortable than any pillow she's ever slept on.

She keeps forgetting to breathe every time she writes his name though. It's like the six letters leave her reminiscing, but they leave her unable to move too. She always feels the ghost of his touch when she writes his name. But it's when she writes all the words ( _I love you, Nathan)_ that she hears his voice and feels him breathing right behind her, so close. He always feels close enough for her to reach out a hand, but too far away for her to touch his face.

And she knows that it's possible he won't forgive her, but she also knows that he hasn't stopped loving her, at least not yet. She wonders if seeming indifference is worse than him telling her to stop sending, stop speaking or apologizing to him. At least this way, he might be reading. 

Every single time Haley James Scott writes a letter and signs her name, she wonders the same thing.

_The saying may be that distance makes the heart grow fonder, but distance for Haley James Scott has only made her heart grow heavier._


End file.
